Leonardo DiCaprio - Esquire photographed by Max Vadukul, May 2013
How The Face Changes With Shifting A Light Source
I’ve been feeling so rubbish lately, sad and angry and fed-up and just grr. I haven’t been sleeping, old habits have been trying their hardest to resurface and I’ve been so scared of them winning. All of this has affected my college work, and I hate that. I’ve been staying home and clinging to Ginny because she makes everything ok and it’s so easy to hide under the duvet and cuddle and know that she’ll keep me safe. But I want to be better. All of this stuff is pre-Gin and pre-college stuff that I thought was over, I was sad and I did stupid stuff and couldn’t see a fucture but I can now. I’m so much better now and I hate that I’ve let myself forget that. Yeah, people are shit but the fact that I let that send me running back to my old ways really pisses me off. Stage management is my favourite thing. I really fucking love it and I want to do it forever and I’m just so angry at myself for letting other people upset me so much that I keep myself from doing what I love. I could lose stage manager in our next show to someone who doesn’t deserve it or want it as much as I do and I know that, so why did I give them any opportunity to be better than me? That’s just stupid!
So, Gin is at work and I’m home alone watching these videos and reminding myself how much I want that life. I want to live in New York with Gin and be the most badass stage manager on Broadway. Some people suck, but if I let them beat me, that’s on me, that’s my fault. So, yeah. Rambly ranty thing over, I think. I’m just feeling better :)